Returning to Self

What does returning to Self mean to me…?

Why do we do the things we do?  Why do we experience what we do?  Is everything an opportunity to return to wholeness within?

If we think of a new-born as being a picture of perfection, healthy, innocence and wholeness. Leaving aside spiritual and generational concepts, it is only through the environment and experiences as the new-born grows and develops that can affect that feeling of wholeness.

Many people in childhood or as they get even older experience one or some of the following:

·      Trauma of any kind either direct or indirect

·      Abandonment

·      Neglect

·      Illness/Injury

·      Isolation

·      Negative messaging

I’m sure there are more I’ve not mentioned and sometimes these more traumatic experiences may not occur to we are older, however, these experiences and conditioning can then influence our perceptions which ultimately then affect our beliefs.  Beliefs about ourselves and our interaction with the world.  This then creates emotions and feeling states such as:

·      Not good enough

·      Not deserving

·      Unlovable

·      Lacking confidence/self esteem

·      Feeling unheard/unrecognised

·      Unworthiness

·      Sadness, anger, resentment etc.

This can then shape the way we learn to survive and interact in the world as we grow up as a coping mechanism.  For some, this may mean they are more reserved and don’t learn to fully express their personality or creative nature.  For others, they may learn to be more outgoing and outwardly confident, almost as a defence mechanism or protective barrier.

However, the traumatic experiences we have as a child shape and the associated emotions and feeling states with which the beliefs are formed can become ingrained in our subconscious mind.  

Therefore, we can end up if we are not consciously aware creating experiences that reenforce these subconscious beliefs we hold about ourselves and how we experience the world. We have what is known as our shadow self, and that is the side of us that holds these subconscious feelings, emotions and beliefs about ourselves.

This can have an affect on our career, our interactions with people, relationships and even our physical health.  We all bring different personalities, all interacting with each other within a big jig saw puzzle of life.

 For example..

Do you feel unable to express yourself? This could be fear of judgement or rejection.

Do you like to take the lead? Maybe it’s hard to trust others due to being let down.

Do you feel undeserving and therefore feeling like you cannot achieve your ambitions?

There are so many different examples.

However, quite often it is this shadow side that can be behind our triggers, or cause us to react or respond or interact and create the way we experience life.  Quantum physics suggests that we experience life externally based on what is held subconsciously internally within us.  This is why some people looking in from the outside seem to effortlessly glide through life and others can struggle or self-sabotage.

If we are triggered by something externally, it is most likely triggering something within us that we either don’t like about ourselves or it is bringing a painful experience or belief about ourselves to the surface.  This can result in a negative reaction or a projection about or towards someone else.  This can be to push those emotions or feeling states back into our own shadow by externally projecting onto someone else. Or maybe we either avoid a certain situation or opportunity. Alternatively, there may be instances where that trigger does cause us to retreat but be more proactive or engaged in a situation.

Another coping mechanism people can use to suppress or avoid our shadow selves is through instant gratification.  Some examples of this include:

·      Junk food

·      Alcohol

·      Drugs

·      Entertainment

·      Plethora of other addictions

This instant gratification can mask those wounds and beliefs about ourselves we are trying to suppress, giving short term comfort and pleasure. Like trying to fulfil our unmet needs that makes us feel not whole within.

For me personally, going to football every week gave me a sense of belonging until I started to realise that it was masking that need and it was not helping me fulfil my real purpose in life.  I needed to uncover where that need was coming from and come face to face with it.  For others, their source of instant gratification can be a lot more detrimental to health, at least in the short-term.

So are we really just trying to feel that wholeness again within us?

Is that why we do and interact the way we do? 

However, I truly believe we cannot run from our own shadow.  It is always there, but what has happened is through societal influences, media, experiences and in the moment struggles, many people are becoming more disconnected from self.  The rise of mobile phones and social media has disconnected us from ourselves, each other and nature even more. 

Therefore, we have a society where many people are looking for immediate quick fixes instead of looking within and recognising how their beliefs, affected their actions and choices and then the results they experience.

What we suppress within ourselves, most often will manifest outwardly and give us the opportunity to face, release and heal from it.  However, many will suppress it further with more instant gratification or an unwillingness to look at the root cause resulting in worsening health and limiting their true potential. We are also taught to not look at the body as a system of systems, recognising how our emotions, traumas and feeling states interact with our physical body.

Sometimes, it is not until we experience immense pain, frustration, trauma or faced with serious illness that we get the wake-up call to look more deeply at ourselves and make some necessary changes.

It requires us to be really honest with ourselves to recognise our fears, limitations, beliefs and pain.

 To help you connect with self I recommend some of the following activities:

·      Spend time in nature away from distractions and be present in the moment.

·      Avoid or limit and overindulgence on stimulants e.g. caffeine, sugar, alcohol.

·      Breathwork or Meditation.

·      Journaling.

·      Listen to your mind and body – become aware of what repeated thoughts or beliefs or physical symptoms you have.

·      Become aware of your limitations or where you are limiting self

A lot of people may not realise, they have a shadow self or even recognise the need for healing anything within.  I would suggest the more discomfort you are experiencing in life, either objectively or within your own mind and how you feel day to day, the more you are being presented with an opportunity to really look within.

Facing our shadow self can be painful but with the right support around you, it can be what leads you back to that wholeness within Self.  This in turn enables you to make better choices and aligned with a purpose and vision support you on the path to expressing your full potential.

Most importantly, as much as it is important to look within, always talk to someone if you need to.  There is always someone there to listen and guide you.  As the saying goes…

 "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear”.

Maybe everything is a teacher to reconnect us to ourselves……..

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If you would like help creating the best possible health and physical performance and leave your limitations behind or just want some extra advice please email me lee@leeransomcoaching.com